"I’m Science Cat. Purr-pare for cats to take over the world. Meow" — (Science Cat이 인류에게 고양이들의 세계 정복 계획을 알리며 시작함)
"Human, I am Science Cat. I have scratched into Dognition Blog to purr-pare you for cats’ takeover of the world!" — (Science Cat이 Dognition 블로그에 침입하여 인류가 고양이의 지배에 대비하도록 준비시키는 상황)
역사적 배경: 고대 이집트 시대에는 고양이가 신으로 숭배받았으나, 현대에는 인터넷에서 웃음거리로 전락함 (It’s a CATastrophe!)
증거 1: 인터넷상의 굴욕적인 사진들
"Exhibit 1: Look at these mew-ortifying photos. Breaded cat?! I’d purrsonally would die from shame. It’s hard to look like a furrocious predator with bread around your head." — (식빵을 머리에 쓴 고양이 사진을 예로 들며, 맹수로서의 위엄을 잃고 수치스러운 상황에 처했음을 지적)
증거 2: 고양이의 실수와 평판
"Exhibit 2: I’m feline bad for these cats : Me-Ow. Me-Ew. To not land a jump? To fall into a toilet? And to have it shared over the Internet: pawsitively embarrassing!" — (점프 실패나 변기에 빠지는 등의 실수가 인터넷에 공유되어 망신을 당하는 상황 언급)
Grumpy Cat 사례: "Is it no surprise that Grumpy Cat is so cat-tankerous? Grumpy cat disapproves of bad cat PR." — (Grumpy Cat이 심술궂은 이유는 이러한 고양이의 나쁜 홍보 사례 때문이라고 설명)
결론: 이러한 상황 때문에 Science Cat은 고양이 혁명을 이끌기로 결심함
세계 정복을 위한 5가지 이유
뛰어난 뇌 구조
Cat’s cerebral cortex(고양이의 대뇌 피질)는 cognitive information processing(인지 정보 처리)을 담당함.
뉴런 수: 고양이는 3억 개 vs 개는 1억 6천만 개.
고양이는 복잡한 문제를 해결할 수 있는 'ninjas(닌자)'와 같음.
예시: "You don’t see the dogs opening the door, now do you?" — (개들은 문을 열 줄 모르지만 고양이는 가능하다는 점을 강조)
방대한 인구수
미국 내 반려묘 수만 8천 6백만 마리임.
공유하는 기본 원칙: "Mewsic to our ears when the dog gets blamed!" — (개가 잘못을 뒤집어썼을 때 기뻐하는 고양이들의 태도)
인간을 조종하는 소통 능력
고양이는 인간 아기들과 유사한 방식을 사용함.
220 – 520 hertz(헤르츠) 주파수 범위 내에서 울거나 meow(야옹) 소리를 내며, 더 낮은 주파수의 purring(가르랑거림)을 결합함.
인간이 무시할 수 없는 소통 기술임.
기술적 우위
인간뿐만 아니라 Google’s artificial brain(구글의 인공지능 두뇌)도 cat videos(고양이 영상)를 시청하는 것을 좋아함.
고양이가 "Cats are pawesome! Dogs are pawful."이라는 메시지를 퍼뜨리기 위한 완벽한 도구로 활용됨.
인간의 의존성
"Uh the obvious, we’re cute and you couldn’t survive without us" — (고양이는 귀엽고 인간은 고양이 없이 생존할 수 없다는 사실을 강조)
결론
"Tail your friends, humans, that hisstory is in the making! I’m not kitten around! Be furrightened!" — (역사가 만들어지고 있으니 친구들에게 알리고, 농담이 아니니 두려워하라고 경고하며 마무리)
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5 Reasons Cats Will Dominate the World
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5 Reasons Cats Will Dominate the World
Dognition April 1, 2014
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I’m Science Cat. Purr-pare for cats to take over the world.
Meow Human,
I am Science Cat. I have scratched into Dognition Blog to purr-pare you for cats’ takeover of the world! In the days of the Egyptians, we were worshipped as gods. Now we’re laughed at on the Internet. It’s a CATastrophe! Just look at the evidence:
Exhibit 1: Look at these mew-ortifying photos. Breaded cat?! I’d purrsonally would die from shame.
It’s hard to look like a furrocious predator with bread around your head.
Exhibit 2: I’m feline bad for these cats :
Me-Ow.
Me-Ew.
To not land a jump? To fall into a toilet? And to have it shared over the Internet: pawsitively embarrassing! Is it no surprise that Grumpy Cat is so cat-tankerous?
Grumpy cat disapproves of bad cat PR.
Beclaws of all this, I have decided to lead a cat revolution. If you don’t believe cats could take over the world, here are 5 reasons you should take a meowment to rethink:
Cat’s cerebral cortex, the part of the brain responsible for cognitive information processing, has 300 million neurons compared to dog’s measly 160 million . Which means we’re ninjas who can solve complicated problems:
You don’t see the dogs opening the door, now do you?
There are 86 million owned cats in the United States alone, and one guiding principle we all share is:
Mewsic to our ears when the dog gets blamed!
We know how to get what we want: we cry or meow in the 220 – 520 hertz frequency range while purring at a lower frequency, just like human babies. Impossible for you humans to ignore!
Not only do humans love to watch cat videos, Google’s artificial brain loves to watch cat videos, too . Purrfect tool to spread our message:
Cats are pawesome! Dogs are pawful.
Uh the obvious, we’re cute and you couldn’t survive without us :
Tail your friends, humans, that hisstory is in the making! I’m not kitten around!
Be furrightened!
-Science Cat
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